toasty socks

i have not much to say today
have stretched the achies (well, lazies!)
till it popped like a snow pea, and *dang!* it felt good!

waved angst and frustration off as well
as i've decided that i'll let good ol' trusty karma deal with it
(yup ..karma manages to catch up and has never let me down.)

besides,
on a calm chill windy day like this
who would like to stay grumpy or gloomy?
life is good.. snuggle under the warm sheets and breathe in.

*aaaah!*

the past

with me trying to stay on the positive curb of the road, i just thought to myself that heck, they don't have much time left, and since i don't have any say in the matter anyway, i might as well make the most out of it. learn some secret recipes, know how things were back when aunts and uncles were still in their younger years, have at least a few good laughs, then gradually get catatonic on jeopardy and finally end like a vegetable on the price is right. *sigh* at least that was the plan i had in mind as a weekend with my grandparents.

i have been shown the light.
only to find dirt under the rug. *bah*

it's sad that i can now trace the where, how and why there is MUCH discord, discontent and disappointment in the family. i apparently come from a long line of relatives with so much unresolved marital issues, that it has sadly cascaded to the next generation.

wouldn't want to get into specifics, but to cut it short, it was a VERY apparent trend that has started from way back then, that everyone seems to have conveniently forgotten and missed. from one bad advice blindly passed on to another, it was handed over from one generation to the next:

"look the other way. wives are supposed to love and support their husbands, no matter what. be submissive. love is sacrifice. sacrifice is love."

sure.
but not when you have a philandering husband, fool.
*sigh*

i am in awe that i apparently come from a long line of martyr wives with philandering husbands. they happily raised 9-10 children (with an absentee husband/wife) at a time, who later found themselves finding love, again and again, with spouses number 2, 3, 4.. they applaud battered wives for being so steadfast and loyal to their husbands. they cheer for the sibling who seems to find love everywhere he/she goes: they bring little bundles of joy as proof of this love.

with the examples and standards set, i now am enlightened with why we continually have had shotgun weddings, babies booming out of wedlock, and let's not forget, a slew of relatives you have to watch out for as they later become 'out'-laws (what with the dissolution of marriage, they then cease to be 'in'-laws. haha!). i'm no longer going to be surprised to find that i'm also related to someone who supports incest at one point. they would probably be like, how were they to know they were step-sibs?! one time, great granddad apparently wanted to blot the idea so he introduced all 10kids he had with familia no.1 to the 6 he had with familia no.2. he told them that he didn't want any of his kids running (or 'liking'?!) into each other without knowing that they were actually siblings. how sweet and thoughtful of him.

yes: ignorance must be bliss!
*sigh*
fruits don't fall far from the tree.

but..
we are now on the fast track. they haven't heard of a hybrid.

i will start anew. i will not follow a pattern. that cyclical curse ends here.
i will be a start to new generation. and i will make it happen.
leave the past. welcome the present. move to the future.

it is called 'past' because it already has passed.
it's time for it to end; put a period on it.

it's a new day!
everybody, please. move on.