i pity you.

i trusted you. and you saw me as a sitting duck.

it's been a fun run, but i think it's best for me to break-away and move on.

i've given you more than enough chances to redeem yourself. to rebuild our friendship. and each time, you fail me. i'm not about to turn myself into a martyr for your sake.

i'm sorry. for you. you don't seem to value the trust i've given you, nor our camaraderie. i think it would be stupid for me to believe otherwise. life has got you jaded. i've tried countless times to help you, make you see through the overcast skies, and it hurts that you mock me. it's tough, and tiring to stay positive with you. you have, once again, become my emotional vampire.

life has treated you unfairly, i understand. but, you shouldn't drag me, or other people who love you into your misery so you can go on and make believe that you are 'happy'. i see through your facade. and i've known you long enough. it's time for both of us to move on.

i see things better now. and i will proceed through life with caution. i hope you do the same.

as we cross paths one last time, after, i'll move on with mine..
though i can't say that i wish you well, neither do i wish you ill.

i'll just let you be.

i loved you. i'm sorry.
good bye.

let's mull this over for a minute

quotable quote first:
"there's going under (cover) and then there's stepping over. it's scares me when i don't know the difference." -carter, speaking to dean, dark blue (the new bruckheimer series).

my grandma, who proudly says that she's been married for the past 58 years, is hell-bent on convincing me that she is doing the most righteous thing. that she is all about compassion, love and forgiveness. that she is doing what Jesus wants her to do. and that she is not a martyr.

all this, without me asking her about anything (aside from the usually polite 'good morning,' 'have you eaten yet?' and 'i'll be going out to walk the dog now'). i would be just minding my own business (marathon reading/watching) and without me even having to look at her, i would be the captive audience, who would have no choice but to ever so politely set aside whatever i am doing, and listen. and by now, she wouldn't have waited that long: she would have just instantly rattle her past woes away.

so far, from what i've gathered, my grandfather is a proud womanizer. grandma was proud to say that she was aware of all the relationshipS as they happened (of course, there would be a lot going on. she claims she is not one for confrontation, so she just lets it be! urgh.). the highlight of her life is that not once did she try leaving her husband. woop.dee.doo. good for you.

i guess she is that kind of woman from the past: get your womanizing husband back by laying on your back. well excuse me: they got to count TEN children for crying out loud. by then, of course, you wouldn't be able to leave ANYONE for fear of financial difficulty. and now that they are crossing over to the 80s, well of course, it would be too late for anyone to do anything.

*sigh*

martyr:
"one who bears witness of the truth, and suffers death in the cause of Christ."
"one who chooses to suffer death rather than renounce religious principles."
"one who makes great sacrifices or suffers much in order to further a belief, cause, or principle."

*sigh*

what my grandma doesn't know is that in all truth, what she has is a complex. the martyr complex. the "exaggerated desire for self-sacrifice."

gawd. please. tell me when i'm already stepping over.
shoot me if i EVER come to that.

no to bad juju.